Embrace Your Inner Degenerate

Hawaiian Chicks Are Hot

What kind of world do we live in?  Paris Hilton finds Jesus, Mr. Wizard dies, and Hasselhoff gets full custody of his kids.  Luckily you have TAI to defuse the situation.

Brian and Tommy lighten things up with an embarrassing steam room incident, the worst joke Brian has ever written, and a major TAI announcement.

Email: Brian Mollica brian@notiowa.com and Tommy Dutch tom@notiowa.com Give us a call 206-203-Iowa


34 Responses to Hawaiian Chicks Are Hot

  1. Hawkeye Brad says:

    Packing up the bags right now for my flight tonight to the promised land…it’s going to be a long day at work today. Can’t wait to meet up with everyone!

  2. brian says:

    Travel safe buddy. I just fired you an email. Hopefully we can all meet up on Thursday.

  3. patch406 says:

    That story is unreal. I love response number #4. Coincidentially my swing has caused intractable vomiting.

  4. JazzyJay says:

    Holy shit I actually made the finals! Here is my revised list:

    Brian: 2, 3, 5, 7, 9
    Tommy: 1, 4, 6, 8, 10

  5. ray says:

    hey guys im actually from the bay area

    Brian: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9
    Tommy: 1, 4, 6, 7, 10

  6. yzerman13 says:

    Dutch, my drunk ass is a rumor mill? What’s up with that.

  7. yzerman13 says:

    BMO, I had a jack russell a few years back. I’m taking the dog in the ass kicking department. You have no shot. I think that you would be about a 3-1 “dog” in the fight with the dog.

  8. Dutch says:


    On this show your drunk ass is as factual as it gets.

    On the contest, I think we have a winner.

  9. patch406 says:

    Alright, here we go…official review of Avril Lavigne’s “the best damn thing.” Let me begin by stating that having to purchase, listen to and review this album after actually winning a poker tournament was THE BAD BEAT of 2007. The recording completely sucks balls.

    I’m a huge music fan and I can appreciate basically anything, but this load of dogshit is truly pathetic. First of all, I listened to the album and couldn’t hardly tell one song from another. Next, the lyrics are completely assinine. A retarded 7th grader should be able to produce a better product and I’m not kidding. After listening to is and having very little knowledge about Avril I did a little research and WAS shocked to discover that A. she’s Canadian since most Canadian’s are cool B. she’s 22 year’s old because he lyrics and music only appeal to 12 or 13 year old girls (or Dutch) and C. that she’s married since she sings about nothing but stupid fuckin’ junior high relationships.

    Song #1 Girlfriend. Popish rock song about not liking some dudes girlfriend. The same 3 guitar chords will be heard all album.
    Actual chorus,
    “She’s like so whatever
    You could do so much better
    I think we should get together now”
    The song has a bunch of “hey hey”

    Song #2 I can do better
    First thing I notice is that it actually has cool drumming. I check the musicians and Travis Barker of blink182 fame does the work. I don’t really like that band, but you can’t deny the skills. Guess what this song is about. You guessed it.
    “I am so, sick of you
    You’re on, my nerves, I want to puke
    Get out of my face, hey hey”
    You literally can’t tell this song from the last during the hey hey portions.

    Song #3 Runaway
    More Barker so that’s cool. Worst most cliche lyrics EVER
    “Get up on the wrong side of life today yeah
    Crashed the car and I’m gonna be really late
    My phone doesn’t work cause it’s outta range
    Looks like it’s just one of those days”

    Song #4 The Best Damn Thing
    The title track. Weirdest song on the album Isn’t Avril song strong independent rock chick. Check out the chivarly lyrics and then the crazy riding the cotton pony rant.
    “I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the door
    Even I told him yesterday and the day before
    I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the tab
    And I have to pull my money out and that looks bad”

    “I hate it when a guy doesn’t understand
    Why a certain time of month I don’t want to hold his hand”

    Song #5 Finally a ridiculous sappy power ballad. YAWN.

    Song #6 Everything back but you. More rocky songs about getting your shit back from your boyfriend after you break up.

    Song #7 Hot. This song has this amazingly horrible long chorus that repeats and repeats. Oh, it’s about liking a hot guy.

    Song #8 Innocence. This ballad is like biting into a cheese sandwich with 5 pieces of cheese. So many cliches I just can’t stand it. Horrible Horrible song writing the first stanza has 2 lines that both end with the word “great”

    Song #9 I don’t have to try. Actually a little different. Starts like rap song then you hear the same crappy pop/punk 3 chords and the same shit again.

    Song #10 One of those girls. I actually don’t know what this is about since it sucks so much. I’m not sure if avril is warning her boyfriend about another woman who will be “trouble” or if in fact avril is the “trouble” woman. Brilliant.

    Song #11 Contagious. This song is about getting oral chlamydia after sucking some dudes pole under a canadian bridge.

    Song #12 Keep Holding On
    Evidentially this has been out for a while as a song from “Eragon”. My personal favorite off this album. Another just pathetically horrible cliche filled song, but a power ballad. Here’s a taste. I’d like to dedicate the following words to my TAI brothers/sisters when you’re feeling down:

    “You’re not alone
    Together we stand
    I’ll be by your side
    You know I’ll take your hand”

    Final notes. Avril did write or co-write these songs. However, the only instrument she plays is a “beerbottle” on the first song even though she is pictured with guitars all the time. It is so phony. This is one of the worst recordings in the history of mankind.

  10. patch406 says:

    Side note: Hawaiian Girls are hot.
    Weird fun fact: I have a tattoo of a “hot” Hawaiian Hula Dancer on my shoulder.

  11. patch406 says:

    I’m so happy that Tommy laughed at a fart. Two of best friends growing up were brothers and their mother was a great woman, but very feminine. They were very crass and were always farting and the like. We would always crackup and she would ALWAYS, 100% of the time say the following, “I could NEVER laugh at a fart” you didn’t have to prompt her to anything. It was like a sitcom. Somebody would fart, others would chuckle…catch phrase. That may be my favorite catch phrase of all time. We’re still kicking it 30 years later.

  12. slashdogx says:

    I would have to say Patch’s review obligation is paid in full. Well done.

  13. slashdogx says:

    * Long Post Warning *

    A couple of episodes back, Tommy called me out for an overview of Houston sports as a potential starter for city overviews from the listeners that he and Brian were considering. I know there are a few Houston area listeners on the board and I invite them to comment or offer different opinions on what follows.

    Houston Sports Overview:

    I believe Houston is a slightly above average sports city and gaining. It does not have the deep rooted fan base of the East Coast cities, but does do a good job presenting its pro sports. Houston is not ruled by one team. I would say the Astros if I had to pick one. The city is looking for a good reason to become a Texans town and a winning year will probably cement that. The Rockets fan base fluctuates wildly with the win total.

    I hold season tickets to the Texans and Astros (a split). I attend few Rockets games.

    Positive aspects: New stadium facilities for all three major teams since 2000, all are top notch. Reasonably strong and committed ownership for all teams. Generally positive community relations and behavior from all Teams (NBA is a relative scale). Good ability to draw special events – Super Bowl, Baseball All Star Game, NBA AS Game, all in the past few years plus Astros made the series (briefly) a couple of years ago.

    Negative aspects: No NHL (and could not support one I believe). Because Houston was a boom town in the 80s and still sees a lot in influx from other cities, there are a lot of fans of other teams at any given game. Home town fans can be a bit band-wagonish.

    Major Teams:

    Texans: Crappy personal decisions since their inception have hampered progress. The team operations and ownership, stadium and fan experience are all very strong. Tailgate starts at 8:00am, half-wrecked by 10:00. Highlight: The victory over hated neighbor Dallas Cowboys in the first game for the franchise in 2002. I think the city collectively sold its soul for five years of losing football for that one ‘hug the strangers in the seats next to you’ moment. It was worth it.

    Astros: Although they have not won the big-one, they have had a pretty good run the past 10 years or so. The team members seem to be good guys. My wife (a big fan) has been in places where she has met Bagwell, Biggio and others. All pleasant experiences. The owner Dayton McClain has spent reasonable money when needed (acquired Randy Johnson, Carlos Beltran and others for playoff runs). Also a nice guy. I was in a suite a couple of weeks back and he stopped in just to see if everything was OK. Highlight: The first World Series game in Texas in 2005.

    Betting tip: The Astros have been very streaky the past few years. Something in their mental make-up. I would not bet against them after a win or with them after a loss. Regardless of matchups or pitchers. I should have got this thought to Tommy prior to his earlier pick with Oswald on the mound, but I was late.

    Rockets: A typical NBA fan base with a heavy addition of Asian fans at the moment due to Yao which is good to see. Ticket prices way expensive and more fat-cat fans in the arena bars rather than in their seats. Large arena seems hollow at times. Outside of some core fans, the attitude seems to be one of ‘I will wait for the playoffs and or big games to invest real energy’. Highlight: The city was real wild for the Rockets in the 93-96 timeframe with hometown heroes of The Dream and Clyde the Glide.

    Strange fact: The Rockets old arena The Compaq Centre/Summit was converted to a very large Baptist chruch after the Rockets left for a new arena.

    Minor Teams:

    Aeros (Minor League Hockey) – A good entertainment value for the money. A good fit.
    Dynamo (MSL) – Popular especially with the large Hispanic population. A good addition to the landscape.
    Comets (WNBA) – Healthy for young girl fan base and started by winning the league annually in the first few years. Now, not so much.

    Other areas of sports strength: Track – Carl Lewis, etc, Golf – U of H. the Harmon Brothers.


    While the University of Houston and Rice are the major universities in Town (baseball is both their strengths, high point in history was Phi Slamma Jamma days), nearby (125 Miles) Texas A&M and U T have the heaviest fan bases. Also among the most obnoxious, especially UT who tend to be not only load, but also arrogant. LSU also has a heavy following here.

  14. brian says:

    Thanks for the input Slash. I would say it saved us hours of research, but let’s be honest, we weren’t going to do it.

    Patch is officially paid in full with interest on the bet. Very well researched and written. I could feel the pain in every paragraph.

  15. brian says:

    You make a good point yzerman about the fight with my dog. I’m definitely bigger and stronger, but I would get tired after 5 minutes. My dog on the other hand has the energy of a meth addict, and would eventually take me down. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

  16. yzerman says:

    Also, from the end of both the last two shows. Sounds like the official TAI tee shirt should say “Ship It”. Do you guys ever have a “normal” week?

    Patch, great job with the review.

    My sister-in-law, says that she NEVER farts, i know that she is a woman and the never seem to shit, but what’s up with not farting.

  17. yzerman says:

    Tom or BMO,

    1 where is your server located? The time stamp on the posts are like 4 hours ahead of me.

    2, have you ever talked about have listener tournamnets online with one of the poker sites? It might be fund to get everyone together at like full tilt of poker stars and have an online tournament for TAI people. If you need help setting it up let me know and i will help out.


  18. longdumps says:

    Great show as always here are my top 10 shows.
    09.Real Time
    08.The Shield
    06.Curb your….
    04.Arrested Development
    03.Star Trek (all of them)
    02.Battlestar Gallactica(new series)
    01.Trailer Park Boys

    10.Family ties
    08.twin PEAKS
    01.Star Trek(all)

  19. patch406 says:

    I think Tommy actually heard a QUEBE.

  20. Scott J. says:


    In lieu of a bow, I have been working on my curtsey. Think Chris Evert at Wimbledon.

  21. Trainfan John says:

    Patch – Stepping up like a real pro.

    Candidate for funniest line of the year:

    “Song #11 Contagious. This song is about getting oral chlamydia after sucking some dudes pole under a canadian bridge. ”

    nice touch

  22. slashdogx says:

    I wonder if the actual warrant says “Pacman” and “Big Rob”?

    LAS VEGAS — Suspended NFL player Adam “Pacman” Jones must surrender to authorities here to face two felony charges in a strip club melee that preceded a triple shooting in February.

    Two other people police identify as part of the troubled Tennessee Titans cornerback’s entourage also will face felony charges in the fracas inside the Minxx club, Las Vegas police said in a statement.

    Clark County District Attorney David Roger said arrest warrants were being sought for Jones, Robert “Big Rob” Reid of Carson, Calif., and Sadia Morrison of New York.

  23. brian says:

    An online listener tournament is definitely in the works yzerman, and yes, we may take you up on your offer for help. Stay tuned for details everyone.

  24. whit says:

    59 days till i escape the rock (The Isle Of Man) going to drink till i can’t see my cards, anyone up for a game? As for the T am a fan of – This Ain’t Iowa…….. Just Ship It

  25. patch406 says:

    I’m with BMO on the Sopranos finale. I loved the last scene. I also think Tony ends up taking a dirtnap. This latest series has reknidled my fire for the show. I went back to my dvd’s and started all over again with Season I Episode I. “Hey they find a cure for fuckfaceitis yet?” Gold.

  26. JR says:

    I voted for Embrace Your Inner Degenerate but i hope there is some reference to TAI on the Tee? Also when are the keychains and bumper stickers coming? Actually given the nature of the show and its listeners maybe you could get some pens made up, the ones that when you turn them upside down the ink runs down to reveal a naked woman? They truly would be embracing your inner degenerate!

  27. patch406 says:

    Coming to you from slashdog town, one Houston, Texas. I was thinking while walking around this airport…man it smells like a wet slashdog around here.

  28. slashdogx says:

    Hey Patch, are you in Houston for a reason, passing through, or did you just make the trip to smell the airport (which indeed can smell like a wet slashdog).

  29. JimInTX says:

    Hey slashdog,

    As a fellow Houstonian, you pegged the sports scene. I was a huge Rockets fan in the 90’s (I sat on the floor next to Spike Lee for game 7 vs. NY), but since the loss of the hometown heroes and the move to the new arena, the team has lost it’s flair. Aeros hockey was better in the old building too. I have always loved to Astros, and always will. I’m a baseball fan in general. If you havn’t been to a Rice baseball game you are missing out. They have an incredible stadium with the downtown skyline looming in the outfield, and not a bad seat in the house. Also due to continued success, they are always hosting schools from across the country. As for Texans football, the Dynamo have more appeal.

    Houston also has a great golf history, with annual stops from the PGA and Champions tours. Past LPGA, Tour Championships, and even a Ryder Cup. Houston is also home to the LPGA hall of fame.

    One thing you did miss was the tennis scene. With both Westside tennis club and the River Oaks country club hosting numerous quality events each year.

    Patch – i didn’t realize that the airport smell was upgraded.

  30. Grand Puba says:

    If Dutch can include Cubs baseball on his list can I put the weather channel or headline news? They are equally exciting.

    Top Ten (assuming we are talking about shows in their prime as many of these shows had some down years toward the end)

    10. Dukes of Hazzard
    9. 24
    8. Magnum P.I.
    7. The Office
    6. Little House on the Prairie
    5. The Cosby Show
    4. Mash
    3. Sienfeld
    2. Happy Days
    1. Family Ties

  31. Scott J. says:


    Read the rest of the Bill Simmons Vegas articles. Great stuff, funny and so true.

    Came across a podcast that he does today, called the “B.S. Report.” Haven’t listened to any of it yet. Are you familiar with it?

  32. Trainfan John says:

    Scott J.

    Yep – Simmons is one of my favorites. Podcast is sports related – been all NBA lately. One of the recent ones was an interview with David Stern that is well worth the listen. Simmons is a huge hoops fan and asks some tough questions.

  33. Roosterman says:

    Hey Patch,

    Sounds like it was the bad beat of the year having to sit through avril’s ‘load of dogshit’. I saw her on SNL singing one of her ‘hey hey’ songs, fucking woeful!! Any plans for the CD??, I hear they go well in a microwave !

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